"Law Abiding Citizen" Review

Now after first seeing Gerard Butler in “300” (which is brilliant) as a huge warrior who likes stabbing things, and then as a dying man who leaves disgusting love notes for his wife to find after he’s gone in “P.S. I Love You” (which, in case you’re too much of a moron to realise, I hated), and then seeing him as the misogynistic wanker in “The Ugly Truth” (which I haven’t really decided on, it was good, I guess), I was both excited but sceptical to see him as a seemingly psychotic man seeking revenge for the death of his family. My scepticism was overturned however, in about 10 minutes.


In case you haven’t seen the trailer (which you should of, gosh, it’s fucking great), the story is of a man who’s wife and child get murdered in front of him. His lawyer (Jamie Foxx) makes a deal with one of the murderers to give the other a death sentence and him very little time in jail, as the lawyer doesn’t want to take it to court because he might lose and that would fuck up his stats. Now Clyde (Butler) is pretty pissed off about that, so of course decides he should kill lots of people. Well, it’s less simple than that, but that’s the gist of it.


I must say, I fucking loved this movie. Were there predictable parts? Of course there were. Was it somewhat over the top? Fuck yes it was. Was the ending a bit of a Cliché? Well, not in my opinion, but you probably think so. However, in my opinion (which is of course the most important), that’s irrelevant, because while watching it, you are excited to find out what happens next. You are intrigued to find out what this man has in store for the next person who wronged him, and how he is doing it. It’s kind of like if “Fracture” and “Saw” had a child. Well, maybe not, very little “Saw” aspects are taken into account, except the murderer being an engineer. And I think it’s just the feel of “Fracture”, not the story itself. Oh, and remove the fact that the murderers in “Fracture” and “Saw” are fucked up old men who have shit motives. Ok, maybe it’s not like them, but ya get what I mean...


Another point of this movie that I thought was done well is the fact that there is no inherent protagonist or antagonist. You never really know who you want to cheer for. Are you cheering for the psychotic man killing people? (well, I was, but that’s simply because I’m fucked in the head and probably deeply in need of psychological help) Or are you cheering for the Lawyer? In theory either one of them could be either role, it depends on the perspective.


Now as I said before, there are some absolutely ridiculous parts. I’m not going to state what they are, because they would ruin the movie. But I thought I had to warn you, there will be parts where you think to yourself “There is no fucking way that would happen” or “Wouldn’t someone notice that?” But I digress, this is a great movie. It’s a good new twist on the psychological thriller genre, which just happens to chuck in a large quantity of blood and violence. Go see it... (and if you don’t like it, don’t whinge to me, you’re probably just one of those idiots who preferred “P.S. I Love You”)

"The Lovely Bones" Review

Now I have to start off by saying I liked "The Lovely Bones". Everyone continuously critisizes me for not liking anything, so I just thought that had to be said. Happy now? Good, now I can bitch. "The Lovely Bones" is another one of those movies that I love the story of, but it gets fucked in the face by the execution.

The story is basically this: a girls gets murdered, and her father gets very upset and obsessively attempts to try and find out who killed her. Now yes, this sounds boring and cliché, but there's other shit involved as well. (By the way, in case you were wondering, I didn't ruin anything by saying that, you find all that out in the trailer). Either way, the story pans out quite well, and its filmed fantastically. Oh, and the killer (Stanley Tucci)... Just awesome, very creepy, and he should do more roles like this instead of shit like "Julie & Julia".

This is the first time I've ever seen a Peter Jackson film, and it strangely made me feel like watching the LOTR's saga (which I've never seen and has never been particularly interested in before this). So yeah, thats what I liked about it... But then they include tonnes of pointless shit scenes in which the murdered girl's in a supposedly gateway type place between Earth and Heaven. Now it might just sound like a bitch fest about religion (and I guess in a way it is) but I just don't see the appeal of that. Now ok, the effects were good, the scenes look attractive and all that, but I just didn't see why the fuck it was necessary? Yes, I know it was based on a book and they couldn't just drop the shit scenes because the author might have a cry... well I guess the author just shouldn't have been religious, that would have worked out much better.

And I must say, the ending (which I won't give away, don't stress) was just abyssmal. I could have written about 10 better endings, they should hire me as an ending writer already for fuck sake. Either way, while I cringed a fair bit, it wasn't bad. I did enjoy it, and all the reviewers who said it didn't capture any emotion... what the fuck were you watching?...