"Paranormal Activity" Review

What can one say about a movie like “Paranormal Activity”? The reviews on this movie positively astound me, the ridiculous praise, the incredible fear, none of which I shared or understood. I read statements such as “Scariest Film Ever” and “Don't watch alone” and watched it raise it to a level of hype that makes me want to eat my own eyeballs as opposed to watching it. The fact that I'll be watching Avatar in the coming week however, which is so ridiculously hyped as it is by the director of the highest grossing movie ever, makes me feel I should be less judgmental of overly hyped films. However, in this case I'll be as judgmental as I damn well please.

This movie to me was basically “Blair Witch Project” in a house. I guess it is slightly different, since this time we get to supposedly see the invisible demon going about its merry business opening doors and moving sheets around, how horrifying. It hasn't got as much of the shaky cam effect patented by such bollocks films as “Cloverfield” and “Quarantine”. And OK, I guess these factors give it a tiny bit more plausibility then BWP (which for the record, I hate with so much of a passion I often feel the need to arrange cult gatherings to burn several hundred copies of it). And while it causes me immense pain to admit, it was filmed well enough. The scenes looked realistic, I guess, but so did the scenes in “Star Trek”, and that didn't make that real. What I'm basically trying to say is... ITS A FUCKING MOVIE.

What you have to keep in mind is these people weren't really haunted by a demon. No matter how much they want you to believe it, this is not a documentary, or even based on a true story in any way. After watching it don't feel the need to film yourself and your girlfriend while you sleep you creepy fuckhead, nothing happens, the worst you'll probably find out is that your strange neighbour sneaks into your house and stares at you all night. It is simply a 2 hour piece of repetitive garbage with an illogical ending with the attempted true story aspect thrown onto us. Nothing scary, whatsoever.

I assume there are morons out there (you know, people who believe in demons and call up pyshics to ask about their love lives) who went home and poured flour all over their floors and then freaked out when there were footprints in it the next morning because their roommate went to the toilet. Honestly, I don't get it, but this isn't my genre... mostly because I have an IQ of above 14 and I don't piss my pants ever time someone knocks on my door.