Boxing Day Bollocks Bash

I apologise strongly for not writing any reviews for over a week, but I was waiting for Boxing day, and as it has come and passed once again, bringing with it it's normal string of movies, I now bring you 3 reviews in one. After watching this years main 3 ,“Sherlock Holmes”, “Alvin and the chipmunks: The Squeakquel”, and “Did you hear about the Morgans”, I felt like ripping my face off, which is probably not the reaction the creators were aiming for. Anyway, here are my thoughts in order of shitness.

Sherlock Holmes
Now I didn't hate Sherlock Holmes... *Pauses for shocked gasps*. Keep in mind that I love RDJ... Like, immensely. To meet him would be epically amazing (except that he's probably a wanker in real life). I love basically everything he's in (Especially Iron Man and A Scanner Darkly), and to see a movie he's in is something I look forward to. Also, Guy Ritchie, although I've only seen “Lock, stock, and two smoking barrels”, is also fantastic in my opinion.

Robert Downey Jr plays a pretty good Holmes, his accent serving him decently, and his logical monologues are filmed and created quite well. Mark Strong is a great bad guy, he plays the the creepy cultist bent on bringing death and destruction to the world and power to himself quite well. And I guess Jude Law is pretty good as Watson.

This movie to me, should be absolutely fantastically amazing. But... it's not. The main story of the movie, the attempted changing of the world by Strong, is rather small as the film spends the majority of the time setting up a sequel, which might not be a bad thing, as long as the sequel is FUCKING AMAZING! Which it better be, or I shall stab someone... probably you... Either way, out of the three boxing day releases, Sherlock Holmes was by far the best... not that it's really a competition.

Alvin 2
Yes... I saw this movie. I saw the first one too. First of all, I have to say, the first one was worst. I dont know why, but the first one had me clutching for a gun to kill everyone around me and then myself much more. The fact that the guy from one of my favourite tv shows (for the record, Chuck), lent himself to this movie made me want to vomit everywhere, along with Justin Long, and Christina Applegate (but in the long run they can basically disown this movie, because they sound like high pitched retards instead of their actual selves).

In this one there is somehow, inexplicably (as with the first) another bunch of random chipmunks who can sing... but this time... they're female OMFG!! And then both groups end up at the same school, trying to save it from bankruptcy. Now I have to ask, will kids understand any of this crap? Of course not, so why the fuck add it? Why have any story at all really... so the adults don't hang themselves in the cinema?

Of course this movie is full of high pitched HORRIBLE versions of recent songs, and will have you clutching for a knife to cut off your ears many many times, but all in all the movie isn't that bad (keep in mind I saw this movie after The Morgans so my standards for the day had dropped to a level in which a Jack Black movie might have amused me). Either way, if you're not a retarded tone deaf 5 year old, you probably won't like this movie... But its not the most painful movie I've ever seen.... that honour probably belongs to........

Did you hear about the Morgans?
AHHHHHHHH *vomits everywhere*. Sorry, I saw Sarah Jessica Parker's face... and then her acting. My fucking god this movie is dreadful. A comedy in which I laughed... once? Maybe twice? And I'm pretty sure neither of the two main characters were involved. The most predictable, boring, load of bollocks every created.

Now its an alright premise, a New York couple going through marriage troubles witnesses a murder, which gets them sent to the south (of course....). It's an old premise, but if done well it wouldn't be that bad... but it really is. It's just bollocks. Hugh Grant is usually not that bad, I quite enjoyed Notting Hill, and I've (please don't kill me) seen every episode of Sex and the City, so I probably don't hate SJP as much as I think, but in this movie, everything is worse then ever.

I can't honestly see anyone going to this movie expecting to like it, and unfortunately I'm not really arguing with anyone on this because basically every reviewer in the world said it was shit, which makes things substantially less fun. Go for it, see it, prove me wrong. But just know that I told you so...